I enjoy the spotlight and attention. In particular, I love being recognised and appreciated for the things I do. It is a pat on the back and I practice this regularly as part of a self-care routine to love and validate myself. The exercise pushes me to stretch my capabilities and become a better version of me. Aside from my own internal cheering, I cherish it when others do it to me too. Consequently, when I do not receive the applause or honey kissed congratulations, I get upset. Emotion blinds my objective thinking.
Two days ago, I attended an enlightening session recently on ‘Breaking Boundaries and Being Boundless’ facilitated by leading NLP Trainer and Master NLP Coach Eleni Sarantinou of Life Spheres. I brought up this example during a group discussion and it came to light that I liked validation from external sources and to some extent craved it. This observation surprised me as I prided myself in being a confident person. Whilst disturbed with the thought, I have made better sense of it.
In summary, for me, I was solid with my inner assurances. However, I looked to external references to add more stars and badges on my achievement. They were akin to the thumbs up and heart icons you get on social media. Therefore, more likes meant bigger favourite. On the positive side, it boosted my energy, confidence and encouraged me to up my game. For the not so great part, it made me bitter as I took it personally.
Due to the weighted investment, it was necessary for me to step back. This was my big take away from the session with Eleni. To advance further, I must learn to detach. Disconnect to connect is my new mantra. By unhooking myself from what I do, I:
- let go of emotional investment to what I was doing
- stay rooted in the present; the now
- receive feedback and critique more objectively
- accept that what I have done does not define me in totality. Instead, it is just one of the many things I have done and based on learnings and experiences gathered to date
- give lesser attention to external sources and look more within to celebrate successes and learnings
- continue to exude confidence and empowerment in all I do.
To my younger me, stay current and live in the present. Understand that no matter what others may tell you, always know that you matter. Be generous with the compliments you give yourself. You validate you because everything else is insignificant or as Eleni quotes from a popular Greek saying, ‘everything else is toothpaste.’
Love and hugs,
~Eleni Sarantinou is a Neuro Linguistics Programming Trainer (NLP) and Master NLP Coach. She has opened hearts and windows across the world through her interactive courses and programs. Click here for details of the virtual NLP Practitioner Certification and click the tags for details on other course offerings; Emotional Mastery, Inspired Parenting, and Change Starts with You. ~